ISLIP, NY – Vincent Gerni, 28, of Long Island, was just another Knicks fan until a five-second appearance on the Madison Square Garden jumbotron catapulted him into what he calls “lightly regional fame.”
“I saw the camera coming and knew this was my moment,” said Gerni. “Most guys cheer or fist-pump. Not me. I chugged the rest of my beer, lifted my shirt, and flexed like my rent depended on it. The crowd lost it. As they say, a star was born.”
“Right after the game, a couple bros on the concourse bought me a beer. I figured that was it. But now my mom keeps getting voicemails about timeshares. Like, yeah, I’ll absolutely live in West Palm for two weeks a year. That’s basically Cannes for people who own Tommy Bahama beach chairs.”
Gerni says he’s begun receiving unsolicited gifts and favors usually reserved for B-list reality stars.
“My Uber driver knew my name before I got in the car. Wouldn’t take a dime. Just said, ‘You’re good, bro.’ I mean, is this what Clooney feels like?”
Two weeks after his rise to fame, Gerni assumed the buzz had died down. Then he returned to Manhattan.
“I couldn’t walk through Times Square without getting mobbed by guys offering me brochures for double-decker bus tours and half-price Broadway tickets. I’m like, bro, no offense, but I don’t know what Wicked is, and I’m not trying to see anything about Boston unless it’s losing in the playoffs.”
As for what’s next, Gerni says he’s keeping his options open.
