NORTHERN MICHIGAN – A Northern Michigan doomsday prepper is growing increasingly frustrated with the apparent unwillingness of society to collapse, according to sources close to the situation.
The man, who wished to be identified only as “Jack,” has spent the past 15 years preparing for the end of civilization. His property includes a fortified underground bunker, a hand-pumped well, several generators, enough canned food to feed a small town for years and more than 20,000 rounds of ammunition.
But with civilization showing no immediate signs of ending, Jack is beginning to wonder whether the entire thing has been worth it.
“I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do,” said Jack, standing in the entrance to his 3,000-square-foot bunker. “I’ve got enough food to last 30 people for 18 months. I’ve got solar panels, water filtration, medical supplies, seeds, weapons, tools and enough toilet paper to wipe my ass through the collapse of Western civilization. At some point, you start asking yourself: What the hell am I waiting for?”
According to Jack, his frustration has grown particularly acute in recent years as he has watched people continue going about their daily lives despite his extensive preparations.
“People are going to work. Kids are going to school. They’re having brunch. They’re making TikToks,” he said. “Nobody seems to understand that I’ve spent an ungodly amount of money preparing for all of this to end.”
Jack estimates he has spent more than $180,000 preparing for various scenarios, including nuclear war, economic collapse, cyberattacks, pandemics, electromagnetic pulses, civil unrest and a prolonged disruption of the electrical grid.
“I’ve got plans for literally everything,” he said. “And nothing. Not even a decent regional power outage.”
The prepper admitted that he has begun hoping for a relatively minor catastrophe just to justify some of his purchases.
“I’d take a three-day blackout at this point,” he said. “Four days would be great. Five? Fantastic. I don’t need the whole Mad Max thing. I just want one situation where I can look around and say, ‘See? This is why I bought six generators.’”
Jack said his wife has also begun questioning some of his more ambitious preparations.
“She asked why we have enough freeze-dried food to feed 40 people for ten years when there are only four of us,” he said. “I told her she’ll be singing a different tune when society collapses.”
“She said she hoped it would.”
Perhaps most frustratingly, Jack said, his stockpile continues to grow while nothing happens.
“I’ve had to rotate through some of the canned goods because they’re approaching their expiration dates,” he said. “Do you know how humiliating it is to eat 14-year-old powdered eggs because the apocalypse won’t hurry up?”
Jack said he has recently begun checking expiration dates on his survival supplies with the same anxiety other people reserve for checking their retirement accounts.
“If this keeps up, I’m going to have to start replacing everything,” he said. “Again.”
Despite his frustration, Jack insists he remains confident that society will eventually collapse.
“It has to,” he said. “Otherwise I’ve basically spent the last 15 years living in a bunker for no reason.”
At press time, Jack was reportedly considering taking a vacation for the first time in 11 years, but abandoned the idea after realizing the apocalypse could begin while he was out of town.
“If things don’t start breaking down soon, people are going to think I’m crazy,” he said.
