Savannah, Africa – In a bizarre incident that has left the animal kingdom in stitches, a local elephant has come forward expressing deep shame and embarrassment over his unusually small penis.
Binky, a 12-year-old male elephant, revealed in an exclusive interview that he has been struggling with penis insecurity for years. “I always thought I was packing heat but when I went to bathe after a trunk soccer game, I couldn’t have been more wrong,” Binky confessed. “Apparently word has gotten around. I know the others are talking about me behind my back.”
Binky’s member measures a mere 13 inches, significantly shorter than the average elephant penis, which can range from 6 to 7 feet.
Some of his would-be-mates are rallying around Binky, offering words of encouragement and support. “Penis size doesn’t matter,” said Ella, a newly debuted 11-year old female. “It’s whether he can get it up multiple times during my relatively short fertility period is what counts.”
Binky has vowed to overcome his insecurity and live life to the fullest. “I may not have the longest penis,” Binky declared, “but I can make it look like an ‘S.’ That’s pretty cool, right?” After a long pause, he added, “Actually, we can all do that. It’s not even that impressive. Mine is more like an ‘s’ though.”
In related news, the Savannah Elephant Support Group (SESG) has launched an awareness campaign to promote self-acceptance and self-love among elephants of all sizes. As of press time, Blinky is the sole member.
