ARLINGTON, VA – The hits just keep coming for Boeing. The embattled aerospace giant announced today that it is recalling its newly launched exploding tires from the marketplace after several reports of the tires inexplicably not exploding. Videos circulating on social media have shown several disturbing incidents of Boeing aircraft taking off and landing with the tires seemingly staying intact and no worse for the wear.
A spokesperson for the company elaborated, “At Boeing, saying that ‘safety is our number one priority’ is our number one priority. Seeing these videos is unsettling, and we would like to get to the bottom of this. The way the past couple years have gone, we thought we would buck the trend and try and turn our luck around. We thought that if we designed something to fall apart, it would do just that. But it appears that even making a faulty product is not something we can get right at the moment. But please rest assured, at Boeing, our core mission remains the same. We are committed to maximizing shareholder profit at the cost of public safety. Today’s recall doesn’t change that.”
When pressed for further comment on why the company thought exploding tires were a good idea in the first place, the spokesman said, “After a lengthy internal investigation, we can confirm that the whistleblower did in fact kill himself and there was no foul play. Sorry. Force of habit. No further comment at this time.”
The spokesman then declined to answer additional questions and was escorted from the room by a Boeing employee after accidentally beginning to explain the company’s new line of detachable wings.
